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Feedback July - September 2008
Coaching on your Virtual Doorstep on 23 July 2008
Demonstrating mastery in coaching with Terrie Lupberger, MCC
The coach said:
Someone made a comment near the end that it didn’t seem any of the ICF competencies were present. I’ve been reflecting upon this comment and actually see that the competencies were very present….creating awareness, active listening, direct communication, coaching presence. What I notice in my coaching over the years is that when I began, I was very conscious of ‘me’ in the conversation. Was I asking enough/right questions? Producing a shift for the client? On target? Showing up well? Doing a good job? etc. etc. etc.
After practicing for many years, I can report that ‘me’ has mostly disappeared in my coaching conversations (hence my difficulty in reconstructing why I make the conversational moves I make when I’m trying to teach newer coaches). I’m convinced that masterful coaching it isn’t magic nor do I think it is hard work….mastery comes with lots and lots and lots and lots of practice and also a commitment to life long learning in many territories/domains…not just coaching!
I still can’t clearly articulate why the path of ‘enough’ popped up in this conversation. I can say it was a hunch that I listened to….and I was more than willing to be wrong if that didn’t work for the client.
One of my biggest challenges to all coaches is to trust those hunches more! Don’t be attached to them, but DO offer them to the client. Boldness is a path to greatness.
The client said:
The Observers said:
Terrie gave us a very powerful demonstration of moving intuitively with the client to get to a place of profound insight. I loved how Terrie brought so much of herself to the coaching conversation, finding a delicate balance between working from the client's knowledge, and offering her own. The conversation led to a very important reflection on how we as coaches may set a tone (through posture, words, mental modes) of deficit/incompleteness/not
enough if we are not secure in our own sense of ourselves being/having ‘enough’ in our coaching practice. A very wonderful conversation to observe.
Rebecca Buell
What was impressive was the way Terrie was very comfortable in completely unknown territory. She didn't feel she had to know everything - or indeed anything. This open exploratory approach allowed the client to achieve a real breakthrough.
Chris Carling
I loved listening to Terrie coach Nick last night, what particularly resonated with me was the way she so skilfully and swiftly moved N. from talking very generically to declaring what really mattered for him. The somatic work she had him experience created a great shift for him which was palpable on the phone in his tone, energy level and lightness of being.
A delight, thank you.
Alma Neville
Core Competencies Series of 10 7 July 2008
Direct Communication with Peter Reding, MCC
I particularly appreciated how Peter set ‘direct communication’ in the context of the innate potential and brilliance of the client, and how this in turn demonstrates the link between this competency and that of coaching agreement.
John Niland
Last night’s class, with Peter Reding, was a fascinating discussion. Peter provided some great examples, from his own coaching and by his communication on the call, of direct communication.
Jane Parslow
This was a hugely inspiring and very practical session. It was excellent. He was very inspiring and I got a lot from it. The key messages that I took from hearing about Peter’s perspective and experience are summarised below.
It’s about holding our clients magnificence…
As a coach we are the ‘temporary steward of our client’s most authentic brilliant self’. Our clients often forget their magnificence and so as their coach we hold them in that light so that we can remind them of this/ reflect this back to them. As a coach we are the champion of them at their best. If we notice that they are not holding themselves in this way – we might reflect it back - You seem like you are holding yourself in a small space – is that true for you?
We will listen for their brilliance as they talk and if they are not in that state, reflect back what they have said using their words and allow them to absorb that – some questions we might ask, might be:- Are all these things true?
- Can you allow all of those qualities in?
- I am hearing that you are being your best self right now…
- How do you want to be with this?
- How does this serve you to believe this (the smaller view)?
- There is a belief here and there is the reality of what you are doing…. Do you want to let go of the belief or the reality?
Reflecting our clients’ strengths….
Peter’s view is that acknowledging our client is one of the most spectacular gifts we can give them. The ability to authentically acknowledge another human being is a lost art. His personal passion is to bring this back into the mainstream. There has been some research which has linked organisational profitability and reduced turnover with the ability of that organisation to acknowledge their employees and connect this to the company goals. As a coach – the more we can acknowledge our own magnificence and brilliance the more we are able to acknowledge our clients magnificence. – self mastery first!
Working with clients who are seeing themselves as small….
There is always a purpose for a client to see themselves in a particular way, so you might ask:- that’s the purpose of seeing yourself as being small?
- How is this serving you right now?
- Does it continue to serve you to hold this view?’ – they may say yes or no and either is OK. You can acknowledge where they are. You might say ‘If you are choosing to stay small right now, then lets make sure you get the most from this, you get what you really need.
- So now that you know how this… what do you want to do?
- If you are ready to move from smallness, how have you managed before in similar circumstances… what strategies can you re- use?
Remember you are not rescuing them – you are championing them!
If you have a client who really doesn’t believe in their magnificence, you can pace them back and use language from the intake session, if you have got them to list their talents or qualities, values or their purpose, then you can anchor back to those qualities.
Ways to directly challenge your client….
If you client is really stuck in their smallness, you might challenge them by saying:
Who do you think you are talking to here… you may get away with that when talking to others, but I am your coach and I am not buying this (view of yourself etc). You can do this very directly and laugh with your client about this. You need great rapport and you need to be holding your client in their magnificence to do this appropriately.
Katie Humphris
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